Tidy VS Messy In Fiction As In Real Life

In my current WIP Covers, the two main characters have roommates. Janet, who’s emotionally stressed due to drug and alcohol abuse is a bit messy although she’d not so far gone in her addiction to have lost complete control. She still feeds her cat, showers, wears clean clothes. She lives with Diana. If you read Secrets, you know that she created chaos in her bedroom regularly to anger her father after the housekeeper cleaned. Away from her father’s house, Diana’s become the almost perfect roommate. She’s organized, she cooks, and she keeps Janet updated on her whereabouts.

Then there’s the Russell brothers: Danny and Nate. Danny is the older, more responsible one which means that Nate is the wild young brother. Danny keeps on top of the day to day chores meanwhile Nate is more of a social director. Danny starts the grocery list, does laundry weekly and hounds Nate about cleaning. Nate is all about trendy clothes, the hottest places, and the most fun. To Nate, home is the place where his clothes live, and he hangs out when there’s nothing going on.

20180711_115241

If you have family, you share living quarters. In my case, my darling daughter and I are opposites. I’m an organizer by nature. Everything has its place, whether in my mind or my surroundings. When things get too messy, I become agitated. I feel my heart pounding. My throat goes dry. Anxiety hums through my veins. The chaos normally elicits two reactions: flight or freeze. In other words, I either avoid that area of my life/home/workstation or I sit with the chaos and all the physical and mental emotions it affects (not good). The more I think about fixing the mess, the stronger my instincts to run from or sink into the mire. It can take a really long time for my fight instinct to kick in. And then I’m all, “In your face mess! I’m gonna beat you into shape now!”

Wow! I know, right?

My child, on the other hand, can live with messes like a lion in the savannah. It’s all good. Life goes on. She may comment, “We should sort that out.” Or ask, “When will this get organized?” Rarely, does she say “This really needs to be taken care of Mom.” If it comes to that, I know it’s truly out of control. I may not have realized it because my tolerance threshold is low-medium(?) and hers is normal(?). No matter what, she appreciates tidiness. She actually sighs in relief when she notices that something has gone from mess to tidy.

makeup

We were shopping on Sunday when we saw some small plastic baskets on sale. She said, “I could use those.” I didn’t even ask how, I just thought, If the child wants to organize, let her organize.

Well, the mess that was her “beauty” station has now been separated into three lovely baskets.

Ta-da!

20190130_123743

By the way, today is Bell Let’s Talk. For those who are Bell subscribers, there’s lots you can do. See the full list. For those who have other mobile providers, here are three options.
https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FBellLetsTalk%2Fvideos%2F359686094613129%2F&show_text=0&width=476

  • Twitter: Each time you tweet using #BellLetsTalk or watch their official video, Bell will donate 5¢ towards mental health initiatives.
  • Facebook: Each time you use the Bell Let’s Talk Facebook frame or watch our official video, Bell will donate 5¢ towards mental health initiatives.
  • Instagram: Each time you watch the official video on Instagram, Bell will donate 5¢ towards mental health initiatives.

Are you a tidy or messy person? What’s your tolerance level like? Even messy people have one. I love reading your comments so leave one.

Advertisements

Turning 45

lighted happy birthday candles
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

My birthday is coming up in three weeks. It’s the big 4-5. As we continue to settle into our new life in Montreal, I’ve been taking care of the administrative side of life lately. I feel like things are progressing in a positive manner. While there have been moments since August when I’ve felt overwhelmed, I’ve been relative steady which has me re-evaluating my forties.

Taking Inventory

woman girl eyes blur
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’m not thrilled with my soon-to-be age. Mid-forties. Middle aged. How did that happen? And yet, I’m the best version of me that I’ve ever been. I started to realize how much I’ve grown in my fifth decade. Growth that I had sought out for years but couldn’t attain because I didn’t know how or wasn’t ready for.

I got lucky in 2014. I had an epiphany. I realized that while I could own a home, drive a car, hold a job, have a child and basically present an adult to the world, there was a part of me which was stuck. I ached to be the woman I knew I could be. I hadn’t noticed until then that parts of me were stuck in childhood. I needed to work on those parts so they could grow up and join the rest of me.

Some of the things that plagued me might be familiar to you:

  • Fear of public speaking
  • Being overly sensitive and reacting in extremes like anger or tears
  • Being selfish, cold, stubborn, and unable to empathize
  • Low self-esteem which led to a lot of self-shaming, self-loathing, self-doubt
  • Huge FOMO (fear of missing out) so bad I would avoid sleep

Those are the subject lines. Under those, I could list example after example. When I looked at myself from the outside, I saw a winner. I had a family, friends I could count on, enough money to live and travel, and two careers. As a person, I was smart, funny and capable. Notice the mask. No coincidence that I called my first published story Masks. The face we present to the world is sometimes so different from the truth we live.

From the inside, I was a total mess. I carried so much fear and anger. It had gotten to the point where I felt like those were my two main emotions. This is where I was at age 40 in 2014. I hated it. It was no way to live. How many more years could I keep hardening? I already felt so brittle and ready to break. I had to make some changes and decided to seek out some help.

Journey Vs Destination

active activity adventure backpack
Photo by Krivec Ales on Pexels.com

I joined a self-help group. I talked to my doctor. I started therapy. I read books. I spoke to the people around me. Early on, I finally clued in that one of my main beliefs about life was completely wrong. I would never arrive because life is not about getting to the destination. Life is about the journey and how we live it. Up to that point, I had lived it in confinement. I had to release myself from that stifling environment and recognize that I was free. Whether slow or fast, constant growth and development were of the highest importance.

It wasn’t easy facing my fears. After all, they are there for a reason. I had so much proof that they were valid that it was hard to find proof that letting go of them would give me a better life. And who would I be without all the fears and defects? I would be the woman I wanted to be. That was scary too. What if that woman turned out to be someone I didn’t want to be? What if I’d spent my time wishing for the wrong thing?

I wasn’t alone on my journey. I’ve met so many people with the same fears and questions and with different fears and questions, but we were all changing because we had hope.

I still work on myself every day. It’s easier now. I’ve let go of so much baggage that I can more easily unpack an old suitcase because I have the room if you will. I now have the capacity to handle more and change more and even accept what I can’t change. I guess I’ve been building resilience. So my forties have been great. I’ve worked on myself so much and yet, I am so much more energetic than when I stood rooted in my mire of fear and anger.

What have been some of your best years? What made them so good? I love to hear from you. Leave a comment.

Reframing My Ultimate Body Image

close up of text
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

A new year. A new start. A new list of goals. For some, a new list of resolutions. For me, most of last year’s goals have carried over to this year:

  • Find a full-time job
  • Buy a house
  • Publish Covers
  • Lose weight?

To Lose Or Not To Lose

That question mark is not a typo. Do I or don’t I want to lose weight? I don’t know. I’ve put on ten pounds per year over the last four years. From what I can tell, I eat the same amount of food as I did five years ago so what the heck is going on? Great question.

I’ve tried cutting back on food. Very little difference. I thought it might be a health condition and got a blood test. Nothing showed up except that my reproductive hormone levels are changing. At my age, not so unusual and it could account for some of the weight gain. I work out at least three times a week. No problem building muscle, but can’t shed a pound. So what’s left?

My best guess is medication. I’ve been taking scripts for the last three years. Since the prescription is not for life, I’m hoping that soon, very very soon, I will no longer need it and that the weight will disappear. But what if it doesn’t?

What If What Now

What if it’s not the meds that caused my weight gain? What if this weight gain is permanent? Worse, what if I keep gaining weight? I’ve been struggling with self-acceptance for a while. After years of being the same weight year after year, I’ve suddenly ballooned. And it seems like this balloon is out of my control. Do you know The Serenity Prayer? It starts like this: “God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” After searching everything else, I’ve been looking at exercising my serenity.

Netflix: My Road To Self-acceptance

I was lost until the holidays during which I decided to devote a little time to my Netflix list. I watched a couple of documentaries that opened my eyes. First there was The True Cost, a doc by Andrew Morgan about the impact of fast fashion on society and the environment. I concluded three things:

  1. Buy only what I need
  2. Buy from sustainable brands
  3. My body image is not in the hands of an industry, it is in my hands alone.

The last one struck me because I hadn’t expected that lesson to come from a documentary about the fashion industry.

My stars must have aligned because the next documentary I watched was called Embrace. A few years ago, Taryn Brumfitt decided to stop worrying about her weight and enjoy her life. She also started The Body Image Movement. In the film, she travels the world and meets up with like-minded women.

Like her supporters, I love that Brumfitt isn’t perfect, yet she loves herself and it truly shows. The more I watched the movie, the more I wanted to be her! Or should I say, the more I wanted to be accepting of my body in the same way that she accepted hers. I’m going to sit with Acceptance for a while and see how we can work this out. Because really, the amount of time I’ve wasted worrying about those new pounds, where they’ve landed and how they look, would have been better spent enjoying my life.

What challenges have you faced lately? How did you overcome them or accept them? Or are you still working on it? I love hearing from you. Leave a comment!

My Daughter Does My Makeup

My 10 year old daughter loves playing with makeup. This week she asked me to be a model for one of her videos. She did a great job. Check it out.

When did you start playing with your mom’s makeup? I love hearing from you. Leave a comment!

Don’t forget that if you can become a True Hearts Insider by subscribing to my monthly newsletter, you’ll receive monthly updates, go behind the scenes, and automatically be entered to win prizes exclusive to True Hearts Insiders. Subscribe to my True Hearts Insider Newsletter. Fill out the form at the top of sidebar on this page!

Crash Without The Burn

office mail business work
Photo by Tookapic on Pexels.com

Ever feel like your life is out of control? Of course, you have. We all go through periods, whether it’s an hour, a week, a year, during which, despite our best efforts and intentions, very little goes as planned. The last two weeks have been crazy for me!

business care clean clinic
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It all started last Monday when I went to the dentist and had a panic attack. The following day I had an intake appointment at the hospital. I was told they couldn’t do anything for me and that I needed to seek assistance in the private sector. People, as a Canadian, who pays for health care through her taxes, I find this unacceptable. I’m not sure there should be any private sector unless it’s for something like a face lift. Vanity is not health care. I had to go back to the dentist on Thursday for my daughter and on Friday for me again. No panic attack on Friday. Cool as a cucumber and, according to the dentist, as pale as a ghost. I didn’t feel pale, but damn was I cold in her chair.

With all that running around, I still managed to revise twelve chapters of my NaNoWriMo WIP and added about 1500 words. By then I was tired, but satisfied. Nursing a sick child all weekend, I turned my sights on Monday which started with another appointment.

photo of person typing on computer keyboard
Photo by Soumil Kumar on Pexels.com

Bright and early Monday morning, I had to write a language test for job opportunity. (I’m happy to report that I did well enough to have been scheduled for a phone interview.) By the time I got home, I was beat. It turned out that I was getting a little sick too. And then it got worse.

I was in bed working on my laptop when Word suddenly started adding all kinds of spaces every time I type a letter. I tried to fix it but couldn’t. I couldn’t even save my document or close Word, so I shut down the laptop. It was only after I tried to restart it in Safe Mode that I realized there was a pile of school books on the remote keyboard that was connected to the laptop. My beloved child hadn’t thought twice about plunking her homework on it. That’s what was creating the extra characters when I typed. I hoped the problem would end once I disconnected the USB, but no such luck. The CHKDSK brought on a Blue Screen Of Death (BSOD) which meant the hard drive was sicker than I was.

Number 3

Before I took the laptop to the private health care system, I tried to fix it myself and spent the majority of Tuesday starting and restarting my computer in various modes hoping for a different result but always ending up with BSOD.  B-sod. It doesn’t sound friendly and it doesn’t sound like rocket science, more like regular physics. But it might as well have been rocket science. So I know that NASA would never launch a rocket with my laptop but I know that I have stored my life on this pink technological clam shell. And if it’s not working, do I really exist? Yes, I do but I don’t pay my bills on time or work on my WIP! Fortunately, Mom knows a geek. He came by and couldn’t do anything but, the following day, he took me to a master geek who could.

My hard drive was, as I had already figured out, very ill. Fortunately, the data could still be extracted, but the future of the hard drive was in God’s hands.

analogue business close up computer
Photo by Azz Bad on Pexels.com

So, no computer for three days. That’s okay, right? NOT. However, I finished my Christmas shopping, went to an appointment for myself in the private healthcare sector, wrote Christmas cards and thank you notes and sent them out along with gifts. I also did a lot of reading. While I did not waste my time, I’m feeling lost. My routine broken. I rolled with it, but man am I behind. Yesterday, I got my computer back. Data intact. Hard drive, after some time in ICU, pulled through. So I’m catching up first by writing this. But I’m going to have to stop before I post it because, you know it, I have another appointment.

Later my lovelies.

What throws you off your routine? Tell me about the time your computer needed a serious intervention. I love hearing from you. Leave a comment!

P.S.: Don’t forget that if you can become a True Hearts Insider by subscribing to my monthly newsletter, you’ll receive monthly updates, go behind the scenes, and automatically be entered to win prizes exclusive to True Hearts Insiders. Subscribe to my True Hearts Insider Newsletter. Fill out the form at the top of sidebar on this page!